My Lost friend:The find within

My Lost friend:The find within

Good news as I would like to call it always has contagious nature. Its endemic behavior allows it to fast spread across faces around you. Happy news no doubt has a heavenly power of enthralling us with insane positivism almost an unsung, unspoken spirituality. Incoming news often lets your anger, ego and all the demonizing things about you out of the system. You start feeling silly about the last fight and unimaginable guilt fills within you about the last harsh words that you had shot at a person. In a way its equivalent to a once in a life time pilgrimage that overpowers your inhumane emotions with the humane one.

Interestingly I have good news as well. I just found my lost friend. It’s almost prayer heard and hence has allowed my soul to become self enunciated almost has made me an enlightened one. That is very subjective though. I often have this habit of talking to myself more often, especially when I am walking. I kind of have lot of emotions and things to share with myself. Lot of queries which I would have wanted to discuss with my late father but following his death I guess I have created this big cocoon around myself where the emotions and queries start and end within me. But over a period I have discovered that when you actually talk to yourself you actually get a lot answers. In a way I have been my friend, my soul mate in times of smile and in times of grief. But I thoroughly enjoyed my company it just makes me aware about my feeling and I guess just allows me to be a better person.

But Interestingly I met a friend. A friend who shares similar emotions to mine and when I talk with the friend it almost feels that I am talking to myself. The friend seems no different to me. I don’t know how that happened but we have similar disinterest about watching movies in cinema halls, almost similar likeness for a particular genre of songs. What caught me by surprise was that the friend had similar thoughts to mine with regards to spending habits which is a thoughtful expenditure as well as our views about people also matched.

But what was even more interesting was even some of my inborn and deep seated weakness also happened to match, which I have not told the friend. My new found friend is bit lazy with things. Although the friend leaves no stone unturned when it comes to helping friends and family but when it come down to own self the friend is careless and uninterested in self, a story quite similar to mine. My friend expresses emotions through tears and so do I in my moment of seclusion. I guess though we both may have projected our-self as one strong individual fighting out all odds but we do have our won moment of fragility. I am sometimes reluctant and adamant about things. It pretty works well to attain goals in life but sometime its does make you insensitive and unwilling to listen to suggestions from people around. The friend unfortunately has similar characteristics.

So talking to yourself who is actually not you is interesting and often strange. Although I carry a baggage of confidence and unfathomable positivism, I do share with myself my share of insecurities, my deep seated fears. But I guess it’s time to venture out the deep boiling thoughts. Although my inefficiencies are my true friends for they show the actual me but I guess it’s time to overcome my deep seated fears.

For the readers it may be a bit confusing specially the painting that has been posted. Following completing the writing part I just wondered what painting would be appropriate and it just occurred to me that if I talk to somebody and feel that as if I am talking to myself then the painting could be my own portrait, do you think so?

Dedicated to my new found friend and friend’s pacifying remarks

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The Journey

The Journey

For all of us home is not only a structure but it is in fact a bed of emotions where we lay our insecurities to rest. It is in fact a protective cushion upon which we build our lives. But generally it so happens that the womankind continue to transcend the emotional structures of place called home and embark upon new journey to make a new house a home i.e. post her marriage. But that very characteristics of accepting a new place as a home and strike similar emotions with the new place as she had with her place of birth is worth a bow.

Similarly the lady in the picture looks back at the journey from marriage to till her old age and tries to recall the unending sacrifices that she made as she embodied new place and new relationship. She may be unwilling to speak and be modest about her actions but I think that she just felt that her life just constricted within the sea of expectations that each new relationships attached with her. Things might have been just opposite as well with the marriage her opportunities might have expanded. I cannot really tell the exact story of lady in between her marriage and her old self and readers are subject to their own interpretation regarding the meaning of the painting. But what I can firmly tell is that the lady of the house is always an unifying force trying to get all relations intact and working. Currently my country is midst of a deep political crisis as consensus has eluded since long. I was wondering if a woman Prime Minister is the need of the hour. (Written on the occasion of 103rd International Women’s Day)

I love you so much

How is she?

Couple of days back I was in conversation with a friend of mine. The conversation was rather casual but in the meantime she told me about her ailing mother. Her mother was sick but the sad part is she cannot be with her now due to her work. Its almost paradoxical, I have also met people who take their aging and ailing parents as a burden and try a find ways to stay aloof from them but on the other hand there was this friend who seemed to be doing everything in her armory to make sure that her mother gets the best treatment and care.

Yes as children we are all responsible for taking care of our parents but responsibility can sometimes be harshly used and be taken as obligatory action. But what I noticed while the friend talked about her mother was that passionate and unconditional love enlightening my thoughts to self proclaimed Nirvana. She was telling me that she has taken the whole responsibility of taking care of her mother, though she had her brothers to do the needful. Daughter is often mother’s great friend, close pal and her most caring one that is what I learned from the conversation. The authenticity of her feelings were unquestionable. But in the meantime I began to wonder whether I possessed same sort of feeling for my mother.

I leave home early in the morning, the time when moon is still bright and sun is just beginning to sneak out of the far away hills, a wonderful time though to be out walking. But the guilt was just beginning to sink in, like as if the Titanic had in its maiden voyage, my so called care for my mother which I boasted was beginning to fall in the cold waters of pacific as the conversation proceeded taking more about how much she cared for her mother. I wondered how many times have I called my mother from office to ask what did she have for breakfast or lunch or even afternoon tea. How many times have I had discussion with my mother on how she was managing the house, whether the money I was providing her is enough. She always bring home a lot of food stuffs that I like specially the cheese balls but I cannot recall myself asking her what she likes. In fact it may be unfortunate that she has locked up all her expectation may be what she likes does not matter me much. May be in pursuit of my happiness I might have compromised a lot on her part of the happiness. The evident and new found selfishness within may be just the holy water trying to re-lighten her lost son. The conversion though might not have sounded significant to my friend but to me I was in some sagely acquaintance taking holy dip in the holy Ganga ( A holy river for the Hindus).

The painting is in way reminder of time when all of us were weak, vulnerable and in need of an angel to pamper us, to feed us and help take our first steps. But in midst of all the battle of our time we might have forgotten that moment presented in the picture. It may be almost be controversial to say that I believe that daughter understands their mother much more than I do as a son. Hence that gets replicated into the love and care that she gives her mother. I guess the shear love affection of the mother towards her baby as presented in the painting is enough to understand the value of a mother. But in addition to being a mother she also plays a good wife, lovely daughter in law, friendly sister in law and basically in every relationship associated with her she has her love care extended. Which leaves no doubt of her being god sent.

May be guys once you read through this just call your mom to say her hello may be go back home to give hug and say, “I love you so much”.

My sincere gratitude to the friend who inspired me.