I was lost for a while not that I could not be found again. But however it is interesting that I did not mind being lost. It really had been quite some time that I had stopped writing, which in no way is indicative of decline in my passion for writing and painting. May be it was just my moment of solitude which allowed time to revisit my position and thoughts. I don’t know if the word solitude is camouflage for my laziness but quite frankly the sudden absence has no logical explanations. For me logic and rationality are like two teenager requiring answers about the all the changes within self. Sometimes things take their natural course of action they just evolve with time, they just happen.
The other day I was in conversation with a friend of mine. The friend was telling me about problems in lives of people the friend knew. The problems were basically to do with relationships and how they had failed to materialize that is their stories did not have “they lived happily ever after”. The friend told me about a decade long relationship which ended with the death of the boy. In other case the boy seemed to have bag full of insecurities about her lady love and in the mean time the lady love, the pacifier, was beginning to lose the purpose of relationship due to the coexistent fear. So they decided to head in their own directions. In other case that the friend shared with me a boy has strong feeling about a friend of his but he has not been able share his feelings for her. It is often difficult thing to do although the emotions evolve and transpire quite naturally. Complexities they are and I sincerely don’t have an answer to them. May be they were destined to happen and in for first two of the three cases may be they deserved a better pair, harsh it sounds but I am just trying fill in the logic behind. No wonder you might think otherwise, my sincere apologies for the indifference.
Realistically thinking from the perspective of the child the world may not be as complex as it looks or seems. But as we enter the world of adulthood we have dreams, aspirations, egos, acquired selfishness and jealousy and most importantly thinking patterns in likeness to the surrounding beings as a part of socialization, completely distorting the child within. I think that may be the straight forward solution to the grief born due to our peripheral and inherent complexities can be simplified by rejuvenating the child within. Revisiting self and internalizing one’s actions may often have the answer to “why” of all the complications of life.
Sometime I wonder what if everything went the way you and I wanted. What if you and I were devoid of all our existing problems? I guess it would be one boring real story, without twist and turns and we would be denied the opportunity of realization of self. More often the world of adults is about presenting oneself at their best in doing so we also tend to present our self as strong, well thought out intellectuals which in most circumstances we are not. Its OK if you feel like crying, allow the tears to roll down; its OK if you feel weak and helpless sometimes, you need not present yourself as some unwavering personality; its OK if you are horribly confused, they are annoying but its natural and so are your complications just allow them bloom and wither. May be its just the way up the ladder towards much reclusive enlightenment. A saga of unsung warrior within.